I never should have led him to that beach
dark but the crescent moon and
the waves crashing like memories refusing to stay away-
He buried my feet to keep them warm,
and I never should have
laid down like an invitation-
getting sand in my hair and refusing to turn
my head away when I already knew we shouldn’t kiss-
but we did. And all I could think about was
wanting to go home.
He was everything I knew I should have wanted-
warmth and stability after months with someone who
called me at 2am and then told me to leave
as soon as my clothes were back on.
And when he touched me with hands shy but well versed-
I forced myself to imagine a life with someone like this-
someone who actually wanted me
so I could enjoy something my body didn’t want.
but I never should have led him to that beach –
that park bench-
that car parked in a full lot with steamy windows-
when I wanted the idea of him
more than the person attached to the
hands in my jeans and the lips at my neck
as I stared at the ceiling wanting to go home.

“jase”- jessicagadziala


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