Until It Doesn’t Hurt

I couldn’t get back two years
of my life spent worrying
myself to ulcers over someone
who could never love me as much
as he claimed.
And I cant erase the person
it made me become
weak and passive and so consumed
with someone else that I
forgot how to be myself.
But I could wear clothes I
wouldn’t be caught dead in three
years ago
and I could give up friends
and family
and coffee
and food
and I could bury myself so deep
in sorrow that I took
blades to my own skin
and force myself to fall into bed
with a virtual stranger and spent
two hours in the shower after trying
to wash the regret away
and you could cut off sixteen inches
of hair that he once loved running his
fingers through
and pierce things
and date boys your mother would
never allow into her home
and drink too much
and dance with strangers
and take too many chances
and try to bury him underneath
the rubble of new mistakes
and memories
until it doesn’t hurt.

“Until It Doesn’t Hurt”- 11-25-13- jessicagadziala

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