Peacekeeper

 

I forgive those
who never deserved a second chance
or third
or fourth
of fifteenth
and I lick the wounds in silent
self-loathing-
their names bringing memories
as sharp as knives and I can feel
my resolve slip with every
unanswered call and text
mistakingly thinking I can
get my point across better with
silence
than the words filling my throat
and sitting heavy on my chest
it is no wonder I have
panic attacks at the thought
of standing up for myself-
I was raised to keep quit
duck my head
and avoid confrontation-
And I could hate them better if they would just … let me
if they kept my name from their lips
and took my silence as the
loudest kind of noise
but I know my phone is
beeping in the other room and
it is getting harder and harder
to keep pretending my spine isn’t
weak from all this bending over backward
to keep the peace.

“Peacekeeper”- 11-30-13-jessicagadziala

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